Shield Page 13

  "I should probably drive you back home, its getting late."

  I bit back a groan of annoyance. I was comfy here, I didn't want to go in my bedroom. Though, I didn't argue when he gracefully moved my body to the side by grabbing my sides as if I didn't weight anything. I then got off the bed after he motioned me too, not without a struggle because of my body still half asleep. I heard Killian's deep chuckle behind me as my foot got tangled in the blanket and nearly made me land on the floor. I glared at him which obviously didn't stop him from giving me a mocking smile.

  I didn't mind though, I loved when he smiled.

  We walked out of the bedroom and headed to the entrance. I wasn't surprised to see that Josh wasn't on the couch anymore. I assumed he was in his room and god knows where their other roommate was.

  Killian was quick to grab my–-his–-jacket and covered my upper half with the large material. I almost felt like a kid being dressed up by her parent. Not that I would know what it feels like.

  "Are you sure you dont want it back?" I asked for the second time.

  "I already told you," he replied sternly as he towered over me, "I want you to keep it. Plus, it fits you better."

  My cheeks heated up at his comment, and I was quick to hide my face behind my hair. Thankfully, he didn't point it out and opened the door for me.

  It was only when we stepped outside on the porch and noticed the dark sky that I actually realized how late it was. I immediately thought of grandpa and hoped he wasn't worried to death. I texted him before coming to Killian's apartment but still, I didn't expect falling asleep and staying here until 9pm.

  The ride home was silent, but not unbearable as it used to be. I didn't find myself fidgeting nervously or playing with the rings on my fingers. I actually made myself comfortable and placed my legs in Indian style and watched our surroundings as we passed the dark roads.

  "Are you coming to the game tomorrow?" Killian's hoarse spoke up, interrupting my thoughts as he parked in front of the house.

  "Yes." I replied carefully, since he made it clear he didn't like me being there.

  "Good. Wait for me after, I'll take you somewhere,"he ordered more than proposed.

  "Where?" I asked curiously.

  "Wherever you want."

  I felt the bubble of excitement grow in my stomach and struggled to hide the wide smile plastered on my face.

  "We wont do math though, huh?" I asked suspiciously, gazing up at his perfect profile. I was genuinely thinking there was a trap somewhere.

  He chuckled, "no dont worry. I'm not that crazy to do math at 11pm."

  I involuntarily giggled at his comment. He looked down at me, his dark eyes shinning through the night and a playful smirk on his lips. Every time he would look at me this way, or just looked at me in general, my heart would skip a beat in my chest.

  "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then..." I trailed off, grabbing my bag and leaning to open my door.

  "Yeah. Goodnight."

  I glanced and smiled one last time at him before turning to face the door.

  "Hey," he called softly as I was grabbing the door handle. I looked back at him, his eyes already fixed on me, "try and get real sleep tonight, okay?" he tried to say sternly, but it almost came out as plea. I gazed, dumbfounded at him as he sent me a breath taking smile. I nodded and awkwardly returned it before heading out and closing the door shut behind me.

  As my legs carried me to the entrance, I could feel Killian's watchful gaze on me, as if he was making subtly sure I would get inside safely. I noticed he would always do that, every time he dropped me off; stop his car and wait until he was sure that when the door was closed behind me I was safe. Thinking about it warmth up my heart and soul.

  Though, the pleasant thought vanished when I stepped inside and found my grand father getting out of the kitchen in his old pyjamas, looking unhappy and worried.

  I messed up again.

  "Where were you Sadie?" He immediately asked, his eyes scanning me up and down.

  "I-I told you I went to my friend's house after school." I justified, which wasn't a complete lie. I did go to my friend's house, it just wasn't the friend grandpa thought it was.

  "It's past 9pm! I was worried, you could have at least tell me you were staying late. I kept messaging you, but you never answered. I even called you." The lines on his face made him look really irritated, yet his tone told me he was more worried.

  "I'm sorry. I-I didn't see your texts," I tried to explain with a trembling voice as guilt clawed my throat.

  "Didn't see my texts? You have a cellphone Sadie! I pay for this thing every month to make sure I can reach you and that you're safe," he exclaimed, my excuse somehow angering him more and now making the tears threatening to come out, "is this just a joke to you? You're safety? Do you not care about that?"

  His blue orbs stared at me intensely clearly waiting for an answer from me, but all I could do was lowering my head in shame. I cant do anything right, I thought. I keep upsetting the few people around me. Killian mainly, and now I seemed to do everything wrong and acting irresponsible with grandpa.

  "I-I do care about my safety," I answered weakly, "its just-I-I'm sorry, I-It wont happen again," I struggled out through the shameful tears that were now flowing on my cheeks.

  The room stayed silent for a while, my sobs and sniffs interrupting many times as I tried to control my breathing.

  "Its okay princess," he admitted after he let out a long sigh. I looked up at him with hopeful and watery eyes as he tiredly rubbed his hand up and down on his face before adding, "I guess I need a little time adjusting to the fact that you slowly start togo out more."

  I knew exactly what he meant by that, and why there was clear hesitation he was trying to hide on his face. I cant believe you managed to make a friend, was what he clearly meant, but somehow I didn't feel hurt by it. Because I couldn't even believe it myself.

  "Yeah, I understand," I mumbled, twisting my fingers together as I glanced hesitantly at him. I still couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face.

  He then walked closer and wrapped his arm around my neck and brought me to his chest, shoving my face in his pyjama shirt. "I'm sorry princess. I didn't mean to yell at you," his gruff voice murmured in my hair. 1

  "Its okay," I mumbled quietly in his shirt, as I stood awkwardly in his arm. I never really knew how to hug people back, simply because I rarely got the chance to receive affection.

  "Now go to bed, you have school tomorrow," he tried to say sternly, though the teasing glint in his eyes betrayed his tone as he pulled away.

  I smiled through the tears and picked up my schoolbag from the floor, and walked down the stairs that lead to the basement and my bedroom.

  ————

  I choked.

  I backed down.

  I ditched Killian. 3

  I didn't want to. I've been thinking about our Friday night the whole day in my classes. I was excited to see him again, to see this beautiful almost-there smile of his, to see those hypnotizing brown eyes. I was eager to hear his hoarse voice again. But then my mind diverted to all of our last interactions, and I became insecure. Killian couldn't like me, want me, or even want to be around me. I wasn't fun to be around like the other teenagers were.

  Or that's what I kept telling myself to ignore the real reason why I didn't want to spend the night with him. Well, I did want to spend the night with him, but I started becoming so nervous to see him, I didn't want to anymore. That was the real reason. I couldn't bear having this panic clawing my chest and clogging my throat–like it did at school–all night. I didn't bear having to overthink every single word coming out of my mouth, for then regretting not saying it, or scolding myself for talking too much. I didn't do well with human interactions, and even if I've never felt as safe as when I'm around Killian, he wasn't an exception for this issue of mine.

  So, I ended up leaving the arena with my grandfather, and thankfully didn't cross path with Killian. In the car, I
immediately texted him and invented a lame excuse. Which, when I had arrived home he answered a simple 'k'.

  My heart clenched reading the simple text, knowing I didn't pleased him by ditching him last minute and that I acted stupidly. Though, I felt a little–only a little–less guilty when my body hit the comfort of my bed, realizing how actually exhausted I was.

  I tried to keep my mind off of him, and stop thinking about how impossible it will be to keep him in my life, but it was like his handsome face was printed in my brain and kept my thoughts running until 2am and until I decided to take my sleeping pills.

  I eventually fell asleep with the image of dark chestnut eyes.

  To be continued..