Shield Read online

  "What do y-you m-mean?"

  "Oh, don't act all innocent. You know what we're talking about."

  My heartbeat increased as I realized I wasn't wrong. I felt like I would soon be out of control, that I would loose control and that panic was ready to settle in. I looked around me, hoping there was still people left in the area, but no one was in sight, most likely all downstairs, at the entrance.

  "Yeah babe, I know you want to have fun." The guy in front of me added.

  I shook my head. No. I didn't want to. The second I felt a hand touching my thigh, I flinched. I took that as a sign to just get away, to just run. I tried to jump out of my seat but his hand gripped my leg harder, digging his fingers in my skin. I whimpered in pain but also because I wanted him to let go of me, which, of course he didn't. Instead he leaned closer to me, so close that I felt his breath on the side of my face.

  "Don't go so fast, the fun hasn't even started yet." He growled in my ear. 3

  I whimpered again but this time, I let the tears, I didn't even know I was holding, roll down on my cheeks. My throat tightened as the all to familiar panic spread in my veins, restraining me from breathing correctly. My heart racing in my chest, my lungs burning for air, the tip of my fingers starting to feel numb and my head spinning, but I just kept everything inside, not wanting to explode now. They could take advantage of me if I did and so I just kept crying and kept my mouth shut.

  "Come with us, I swear you'll have fun and you'll feel better."

  I vividly shook my head, internally screaming no at them. Should I scream? No, I dont want attention on me. But its not like I could defend myself. God, I'm so weak.

  A-And stupid. Those thoughts just made me more lightheaded and cry harder, because they were true. I should have got away sooner. I should have push them away. But I didn't. Again. I let them get to me, just like I did with him. I'm letting him have his hands on me even though I don't want to. Just like I did with him.

  Stupid. Stupid.

  "Fuck off, Montgomery."

  My thoughts were so loud, I barely heard the third voice coming from not even a couple meters away from me. I still kept my gaze on the table and my breathing still uneven, I was not going to face another person tonight.

  "Oh, hi Miky. You're kind of disturbing something right now, if you can't tell." I could hear the arrogance dripping in his voice.

  His hand slowly moved higher on my thigh leaving shivers behind and making me involuntarily sob. The urge to throw up was strong.

  "Like I fucking care." He snapped. "I said fuck off Montgomery."

  The now familiar angry, yet controlled voice was getting closer. I still didn't dare to look up, even though the familiar accent made my stomach do weird, funny stuffs.

  "Whoa, okay. Just tell me nicely and we'll share bro."

  "I dont think you're brain is getting the message correctly Dylan. I want you to get your fucking hands off of her." Anger, fury laced in the masculine voice.

  All in one moment, panic slowly faded away, and I realized who the threatening voice belonged to. My eyes snapped to an angry Killian was now standing close to me, defending me, helping me, standing up for me. If I hadn't been so relieved someone was doing that for me, I would have been terrified of him. I think if only the voice was directed to me, I would have cried. I hate when people were angry at me.

  When I felt the guy's, who's name was Dylan, hand leave my leg, I jumped out of my seat. I backed away, instinctively bringing my fist up and rubbing it on my chest hoping the panic and soreness would go away. Its almost as if it was an instinct, I had step back behind Killian not too close, just enough so I could still see the other two faces. They didn't seem so tough now but stupid enough to keep talking even if they knew Killian was ready to explode.

  "Oh c'mon man we just-" 1

  "I dont give a fuck. Get lost, both of you." He boomed.

  The one called Dylan innocently raised his hands in the air, got up from his seat with 'Woodsy' following behind him. I had just realized they were most likely part of the team when I noticed they were wearing suits just like Killian did. They both left and I finally felt like I could breath again, even though my lungs were still on fire and my chest sore from the panic.

  Killian's head followed them as they walk down in the stairs. Even though they were gone, his shoulders were still tensed, his hands curled into fists and his jaw twitching. For a moment I felt like I had him back, he was sticking up for me and scaring away the ones who were mean to me, just like before he left. But he doesn't even remember who I am now.

  It's as if I felt my heart bleed at the thought and my eyes immediately started watering again.

  Killian's pov

  I was fuming. 6

  As I looked at them, well more like glared at them, walking nonchalantly downstairs, I wish I didn't hold back and punched Dylan's stupid face. If he was to touch her again, look at her of even fucking talk about her, I would.. fuck I would destroy his, oh-so-perfect face.Thank fuck I had ask Logan about the equipment guy's last name right after the game. And thank fuck I arrived in time.

  I breathed heavily, clenching and unclenching my fists, as if this would calm me down. I knew that the only thing that would actually work was a good hour at the gym. Or repeatedly punching the fucker's face. I had just finish a hockey game and I was exhausted, but the second I learned that the Sadie he and Tyler had been talking shit about was Sadie Duncan, it was like all the energy I had spend during almost 2 hours, was instantly back in my body. And when I realized those fuckers had already left the changing room, I had take a shower and put my suit on in a record time.

  It was like I exactly knew why they had left before almost every player, and I immediately saw red. Ever since that moment, adrenaline and anger has been rushing through my veins. The only reason I held back my fists was because I didn't want her to see this side of me. I've always had this bad temper, even as a kid, when I knew her, but it was different now. It grew stronger over the years, mostly when I left her.

  If only my fucking father didn't make us move back in Russia, things wouldn't have been so complicated. 1

  I never really cared about my 'anger issues', like Logan likes to call it, but now, now that I knew she was here, I couldn't help but almost feel guilty about having this issue.

  Shit. Sadie was here. 1

  Just as the thought hit me, I heard a sniff behind me that made me turn around.

  She stood there, the same girl that bumped in me last week, her eyes watery, tears still rolling down on her red cheeks. It was Sadie and my brain was to fucking slow to process that.

  I felt my heart skip a beat more than once as I detailed her delicate face. She still had those freckles all over her nose and cheeks, her pink lips were plumper than before, and her hair was still long and the same golden brown colour, but maybe a little bit darker. I only had a vague memory of her look, but now that I knew it was her, I recognized every little detail.

  When my gaze caught her dark blue eyes, I felt nostalgia taking over me. I used to admire the glint of happiness in them every time she'd talk with me and then, see it disappear every time she had to go home. I hated seeing her sad. And she was right now. 1

  She was terrified even. I almost relaxed at the sight, feeling the need to just crush her in my arms but I restrained myself from doing it. It was just a stupid, irrational thought because she most likely hates me. Does she even remember me? I ran here, saved her ass thinking she would just jump on me and be, oh so happy to see me.

  "Are you okay?" I kept my voice as steady and monotone as possible, as if I was talking to any other person. But she wasn't just any other person.

  Her eyes left mine as she lowered her head. It was almost like she flinched at the coldness in my tone. She only nodded, silently affirming that she was okay. Bullshit, I wanted to tell her, but kept my mouth shut. Her small fist was pulled to her chest, as if she was in pain, she was breathing heavily, her body still lightly shaking and I knew for a f
act she had been close to a panic attack. She was already enough in shock, I didn't want to disturb her even more.

  Yeah maybe my tone didn't help either. She still looks like the sensitive little girl I knew.

  Fuck.

  I let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "Whatever reason you're still here, you shouldn't stay here too late." I said, trying to use a softer voice which didn't work out too well.

  There was too much mixed emotions in my head, it was hard to just act nice and soft. It was impossible. Thats just not who I am, but now that Sadie was here, I felt like being both of these things. But then again, she most likely doesn't remember me. I could just tell her my name, but I wasn't a selfish asshole, not anymore. What if she had a new life now? What if she was happy? I certainly didn't want to be the one fucker who ruins her happiness. Not for the second time.

  "I-I was waiting for someone."

  When her soft, trembling voice reached my ears, all my rational thoughts vanished and the urge to bring her to my chest and never let her go came back. Her teary gaze came back to mine and I swear I almost lost it. I was so sure I would never be able to see her again, but there she was bringing up the guilt I felt years ago.

  "Well that someone better hurry the fuck up because I'm not leaving you alone here." I grumbled, the words escaping my mouth without even thinking.

  She seemed just as surprised as me, her mouth opening and closing, looking for something to say and her eyebrows frowning in confusion. Just as I thought she had found and answer, a familiar voice coming from the top of the stairs interrupted.

  "Sadie!" The equipment guy called. "Ive been waiting for you, honey. C'mon." For a moment I forgot she was his grand daughter. What were the fucking odds, honestly.

  I kept my eyes on her, clearly inspecting every of her movements as if it would be the last time I'd see her. Her body seemed to relax ans she let out a breath, like she was holding it the whole time. Did I scare her?

  I caught her glancing at me, with a sad look in her eyes.

  "Th-thank you, for um.. you know.."

  I only nodded, like the asshole I am and kept a straight face. I wanted to show her that I understood what she meant, tell her that I would do this a thousand times if I needed to, but I was too caught up in my own fucking anger, I didn't even took time to show empathy.

  She looked one last time at me before turning towards her grand father, Eugene I think is his name. I barely noticed the death glare he sent me as he draped his arm around her shoulders, since all I could think about was if I really should think about talking to her or if this would be the last time I see her.

  Fuck. Whatever.

  I angrily ran a hand through my hair and tried to take this encounter out of my mind. I think I stood there for a good 5 minutes after they had left, before I roughly grabbed my sport bag that had fallen on the floor when I almost snapped at the two idiots. God, I want to put my fist in Dylan's face so fucking bad. And Tyler's.

  I jogged downstairs, and exited the arena through the automatic doors. In the parking, my eyes instinctively wandered around, hoping to find a honey brown haired girl. Instead, I only ended up meeting some of my teammates who were also leaving, so I barely took time to greet them and I headed to my truck. I threw my bag on the passenger seat and let out a heavy sigh. Her grand father probably made sure to leave as fast as possible when he saw her interacting with the guy who always looks for a fight on and out of the ice, and punches walls in the dressing room.

  Fucking great reputation, I know.

  I finally cracked and punched the driving wheel. One time, then two, then three and then I dont know how many times but it was not enough to let all the anger out. I hit it as hard as possible one last time before gripping it tightly. I threw my head back and I breathed heavily through my nose, since my jaw was clenched, so tight it made my teeth gritted together. But it was my last concern right now.

  He won't need to worry about keeping me away because I will stay away. Because I just decided that, there's no fucking way I would approach her with a temper like mine.

  Sadie's pov

  I yawned, again, for the seventh time since the class began. And it only started 5 minutes ago. I just wanted to go home, curl up in my blankets and watch Netflix. 3

  Unfortunately, I wont be able to do these things after school. I dont know how I will have enough energy to go at the arena with my grand father a Wednesday night. He called me during lunch saying he had to sharpen the skates after the team's practice or something like that, because the one who is in charge of this called sick last minute.

  I couldn't complain about being tired though, because I am the one who asked to go. I didn't want to, but I had too. Being me, I couldn't stay alone when the sun was falling down and when it was dark outside.

  I never liked being alone, but being alone at night terrified me.

  And as ironic as it sounds, people at school probably knew me as the loner. If they even knew me.

  I thought I would have made friends when I started high school, like a new, fresh start in another town. I was finally free from their evil grip. But, boy, I was so wrong.

  When I first entered the doors of this school, I had cringe at the amount of people walking around, talking and laughing. It was so loud. I didn't know where to go, so I asked to a group of older girls who were leaning on the lockers. I remember telling myself that if they were older, they must be more mature than the kids who would make fun of me in elementary school.

  It was the last time I had been brave enough to start a conversation with strangers.

  She had stare down at me. Her eyes held disgust, as she detailed me from head to toes. I never knew what was wrong with myself that day, but I saw in her and her friends' facial expressions that I was not welcomed here.

  My mother had the same look in her eyes when she would look at me.

  She did tell me where the principal's office was, though. And I went, with trembling, sweaty hands and my heart beating hard in my chest.

  After a week, the girls were just a distant memory in my head. But I had never been able to make friends. I couldn't even make eye contacts with people. Teachers soon realized not too call me out in class, since it would most likely start a panic attack. And students realized that I was not the one to make conversations with.

  I was a defective weirdo. 5

  I still am.

  I mentally rolled my eyes at my own self.

  I felt people around me suddenly moving and sitting together. Great, teamwork. Teacher must have talk for half an hour before giving work and letting them do it in teams.

  As usual, I stayed at my spot in front of the class and opened my books. I think I read the text and answered 2 questions before giving up.

  The questions aren't even making sense. 2

  And I was clearly not the one to raise my hand and ask the teacher to explain it to me. But hey, at least I read the whole text.

  After what felt like an eternity, the bell finally rang, ending my last period. Like everyone, I gathered my stuffs and threw them in my bag carelessly.

  I let everyone leave the class before me, not wanting to get stuck between them or get pushed, and slowly made my way to the door.

  The corridors were filled with students, as usual, pushing around to get to their lockers. I decided that today I didn't want to be in the crowd for too long, so I exited the school immediately instead of going to my locker. I might not have all my homeworks in my bag, but it's not like I would do them anyway.

  This week, I also avoided being alone during lunch time or between classes. And by that I mean not wandering alone in the empty places in the school. Friday's event was still fresh in my mind and it made me question my safety every time someone would glance at me.

  Not everyone wants to hurt you, I kept telling myself.

  The unease I felt that night was still in my stomach, panic would come and then leave as fast as it came. The anxiety was constant though, like any othe
r day, but it seemed more intense because I felt so unsafe. It was in those moments that Killian would wander in my head.

  Well not just wander. The thought of him would just take control of my mind and body. I had barely recover from seeing him for the first time last year, on an ice playing hockey, I dont think I was stable enough emotionally to have him standing in front of me nor having him stand up for me.

  He became gorgeous. Not that he wasn't before, but he had became gorgeous in a different way. He had become manly, strong and-and cold. I barely looked at him the two times, but I knew-I felt how his rough and dominating attitude completely shut down the two guys. And made me feel weird, funny sensations in my tummy.