Shield Read online

  SHİELD

  2 years old

  Again.

  The woman left her little girl alone in the apartment heading to the only bar in the small town. The toddler deeply sleeping in her bassinet, unaware of the front door softly closing and the woman she called her momma subtly leaving her for her addiction.

  Only two hours later, we could hear the baby's crying and small screams trough out the building for the second time that week. She was begging for her mother's affection and attention but as she realized she wouldn't come, her screams intensified. It would make anyone's heart in the same room as her, tore in pain.

  It lasted for a good hour until she was exhausted and fell back asleep, dry tears on her pale cheeks and her little arms hugging the stuffed monkey to her chest.

  4 years old

  Her mom had bring another strange man today in the apartment. Sadie never knew what they looked like because her mom always ordered her to stay in her room. She'd always say "Let mommy have fun with her friends and don't come out until I tell you to." 1

  Her mom seemed to always laugh and be happy when she had friends here. Sadie wished she could have friends too. Her days could be long and boring sometimes. Only two dolls to play with and her stuffed monkey named Teddy to keep her company.

  But she didn't complain. Not ever since she tripped on her doll, hit the side of her head on the dresser and cried obviously disturbing her mom. Instead of reassuring her and "kissing it better" like any mom would do, she threw her in a storage closet in the hallway. For a whole night. "Disturbing mommy and her friend isn't polite. Go reflect in here." She said, her eyes strangely red and watery.

  Tears silently fell on her cheeks that night. Again.

  6 years old

  Butterfly erupted in her stomach that morning. Her first day of school. She couldn't wait to meet kids of her age and have friends like her mom did. She put on the only dress she owned and happily brushed her long golden brown hair in the mirror.

  Her mother dropped her at the elementary school entrance and left to work saying to Sadie that she was a big girl and could easily get trough her first day without her. 1

  Unlike the other kids, Sadie stood alone in the crowded school. No one paid attention to her, every time she asked for help they either didn't see or didn't hear her. She barely reached the parents thighs and other kids were to caught up in their own excitement to notice her.

  Her joy from this morning now vanished in the air and her smile replaced with tears faster than she thought.

  She couldn't help but already feel out of place and too small for this world.

  3

  8 years old

  2

  Elementary school made Sadie realize really soon that her momma seemed a little different than the others.

  They'd drop their kids at school, kiss them on the head wishing them a good day and hand them a nice and healthy lunch.

  Thats what the mother of a boy she met would always do. She would do even better than that. She would never invite friends over like hers kept doing, she would make them hot chocolates instead of chucking down a brown transparent liquid her mom always had, she used a white powder in the cookies instead of putting it in her nose and she would never leave the two of them alone in the house like her mom kept doing for years. 2

  Killian was also her only friend. He was the nicest of all the kids. While they would make fun of the freckles on her face and her old white dress, the little-not so little-boy would always step in and make them go away. 6

  The two had been inseparable for two years even though Sadie was always the one making conversations while Killian would just stare and admire her face lighten up while she talked about little things that made her happy.

  He also made her feel safe and carefree. Even though he couldn't protect her from her life at home, he made sure she always enjoyed her days at school. 1

  Those years had been the only ones where the little girl didn't seem feel so lonely and scared.

  12 years old

  Over the years, Sadie still couldn't get used to the loneliness that filled her. Killian now mysteriously gone its been a year, school has been terrifying for her. Even home sometimes terrified her. Mostly when her mom would bring her friends home and let Sadie alone with them.

  Strangely, they didn't want to play the type of games the kids at school would play during recess. She never thought locking someone in a dark closet was a different version of hide and seek, or that Hot Potato consisted of literally holding something hot until you feel it burn through your skin. Nor she would have thought that a game of Simon Says could get her naked in front of them. They weren't fun games. 7

  So she would always hide in her room for as long as she could missing her only friend more than ever. Because he would have know what to do in this situation, Killian always knew what to do.

  The dark look he now always had on his face made butterflies erupt in my tummy and when I saw him again for the first time last year, I felt like a whole zoo lived in my tummy at that moment. He was now pretty much the reason I couldn't stop coming here and giving myself all this stress for being in public.

  But then I keep telling myself how stupid and weird and-and even creepy I am for still caring about him, or even just remembering him. He has most likely completely forgot about me. And if he didn't, its probably because he remembers how defective and awkward of a little girl I was. Its the whole reason why he initially left. Because I was, and still am, defective. 3

  It-it has to be the reason.

  —————

  I smiled and clapped my hands with the crowd as the players left the ice. They won their first game 3-1 and the smirk on Killian's face was enough to make my heart melt in adoration. 1

  I followed as everyone slowly got up from their seats and left the stands and went to the same table I was sitting at earlier. I stayed still on the seat, waiting for my grandfather. It was a little awkward sitting alone here, so I took my phone out and played with these games again. Awkward situations made me nervous.

  I think 45 minutes had pass by now and my grandfather still havent showed up. Has he left without me? Usually, it takes him half of this time to come and get me. I looked around, only to see that most people had now left and only some were still there, probably parents waiting for their son.

  Dont freak out right now. I kept telling myself.

  Minutes passed, my leg nervously bouncing, my eyes trailing around frenetically. Just as I let out a desperate sigh, my phone vibrated in my hands.

  Sorry if it took longer than usual, had some little inconveniences after the game.. I'm waiting for you in the truck :)

  I almost rolled my eyes at myself for panicking quickly like that. So much for not moving an inch and waiting for him.

  I got up from the chair, mentally smiling at the thought of going home and being in the comfort of my blankets. After this first week of school, I couldn't decide wether I needed to have a breakdown or sleep for 3 days. 2

  Just as I remembered how much I despised school, my body bumped into a hard surface making me stumble backwards. I first thought that I had stupidly ran into a wall but when I felt two strong hands grab my upper arms and my eyes met a torso in a dark blue suit, I immediately realized that I hadn't stupidly ran into a wall, but most likely a human. A human wall to be exact.

  I suddenly felt my heart beat increase and the familiar panic getting caught in my throat. Oh god, I didn't want to have an interaction with a human right now. 4

  "Can't you fucking look where you're going?"

  If I didn't have a rush of anxiety right now, I would have notice the light familiar russian accent. But my mind was going a thousand miles per hour and I could barely think straight.

  "I-I'm so, so sorry. I-I-"

&
nbsp; And I could barely speak english too.

  I felt the tight grip of his hands still on my arms as he sensed that I might be falling again and I could feel his eyes burning the top of my head.

  I never had the intention to meet my interlocutor's gaze, so when my own eyes lift up to his without my permission, I wanted to slap my own self .

  Light brown eyes stared down at me with boredom, as if he couldn't care less about the situation, which was probably the case. But me on the other hand, I noticed that those eyes were familiar, way too familiar. The ones that has been doing funny things to my stomach, a long time ago.

  My heart beat increased, my palms became sweaty and I felt tears coming behind my eyes as I detailed his now, strong and manly features. It was like I was in a trance, I didn't even feel his hands leaving my arms, taking the warmth and comfort with him.

  "Killian." I barely whispered.

  The word left my mouth without any permission. For a moment I thought I had finally found him. I thought that I finally had him back, the only one who seemed to care.

  But he just frowned down at me. As if he didn't recognized me or even knew me.

  "What did you say?"

  Then I felt like everything in my body was ready to give up. Air left my lungs, my legs shook under me and tears were ready to roll down on my cheeks. I lowered my head, ashamed of my reaction.

  "N-nothing."

  Of course he wouldn't remember you, he left you! You weren't worth his time.

  Stupid.

  Stupid.

  I shoved my now trembling hands in my pockets and mumbled a 'sorry' before running away from Killian.

  I was running away from Killian.

  Killian's pov

  "Dude have you seen the chick?"

  "Yeah I guess she's cute."

  "Damn right she's cute. She looks all innocent and shit, but I'm pretty sure she fucking screams in bed."

  I swear to god if I could, I would smash his head in the concrete wall just to make him shut his fucking mouth. He's been bragging like a pervert about this fucking girl for ten minutes, saying all kinds of disgusting shits about her.

  Not that I gave a fuck, because I never did, but I guess that hearing that her name was Sadie, I couldn't help but purposely overhear their conversations.

  "Talking about the equipment guy's daughter again, Montgomery?" His dickhead of a friend added, walking into the dressing room with his hockey bag as if he fucking owned the place. Don't think so.

  "Grand daughter, dumbass."

  "Oh, right."

  I glanced at them as they both laugh like the idiots they were and fist bumped each other. I just tied my skates even tighter, winding the laces around my fists and pulling them angrily. 1

  "I'm pretty sure she has fucked half the team last year." He added randomly, its like he wanted to piss me off more and more on purpose.

  They really dont know how to shut up. Or maybe I should stop listening to them. Of all the guys in the room, it was them my ears could hear. Why do I even care? Oh yeah, I don't fucking care about them talking about some random girl like that.

  My Sadie is far away from here. 5

  "Yeah of fucking course she has. Mikhailov would know. Ain't that right Miky?" Dylan's arrogant eyes landed on me a cocky smirk plastered on his face.

  For fuck's sake.

  "Fuck off." I growled.

  He just laugh with Tyler, and two other guys, but from that point I ignored them. I couldn't give two shits about them, they were both new in the team. Just rookies. From the first practice I knew what kind of person Dylan was. A dumbass who uses girls, consent or not, whenever he needs to and think that it makes him cool bragging about it. While Tyler is probably just always by his side to laugh at his jokes.

  Whatever Dylan said in the dressing room before and after the practices, was none of my concern. They were just rookies, they might not even stay in the team. Well, I hoped they wouldn't. 1

  Great, now I sound like I hate them. I cant hate them because I dont give a fuck about them. Right? The Sadie they have been talking about is not my Sadie. They can't reach her.

  Fuck.

  I really feel like punching something or someone. Hard.

  "Need some tape Miky?"

  Logan took me out of my thoughts, handing me the white hockey tape. I also realized my whole body was tensed, my hands curled into fists and my jaw clenched. Anyone who knew me, wouldn't dare to approach me when I was in this state, but Logan was most likely the only one who didn't care about my tantrum or get scared. Probably because he's known me for 3 years.

  I shook my head, silently denying his offer and took a deep breath. I finished dressing up for the practice just in time, suddenly feeling a boost of energy through my veins. I had to take this anger out somehow.

  I knew she was far away from here, in another city where I left her, but I still had this fucking uneasy feeling in my stomach.

  Sadie's pov

  Here I was, one week later, at the same table, waiting again for my grandfather. He warn me that it might take more time than usual but, I didn't mind waiting because I got to see Killian, from far but still better than not seeing him at all. And I also really did enjoy watching a hockey game. I guess my grandfather gave me his love for the sport.

  Saying that I was nervous the whole game was an understatement. When my eyes would land on Killian's huge figure, last week's encounter would flash in my mind making my heart clench every time. He didn't recognize me and didn't even seem to care. I had spend my days at school thinking about how his features were now hard and cold but also how they were now manly and gorgeous. His soft and cute face now replaced with chiseled and strong features.

  I couldn't help but also feeling uncomfortable about how awkward I was acting in front of him. I was just a stranger to him, a weird, defective stranger.

  I get so nervous around people, and I guess thats why she would always say I was defective.

  M-maybe he did recognize me, but noticed how I could barely function, like she did, so he just ignored it. But its been years since he left, I-I have changed physically, so maybe its why his mind couldn't place me. B-but even if he did, he wouldn't want me. Not someone like-like me. 7

  I sighed, hoping the anxiety would just go away with the air going out of my mouth. But my leg kept bouncing, my stomach clenching and my thoughts running.

  Whats wrong with me? 2

  Suddenly, I felt a presence next to me. I didn't dare to look up, scared that I might meet the person's gaze, but the urge to find out who was standing there made me want to. But then, the person sat down next to me and another one sat on the seat in front of me.

  What the fudge?

  I told myself not to freak out, knowing I always do that for no reasons but when a male voice reached my ears, I instinctively knew it might not be a false alarm this time.

  "Hi there."

  I looked up to my left meeting the first guy's face. I didn't even tried to make out his features, apart from the smirk he had on his lips, I immediately turned my head at the guy sitting in front of me. He had the same, almost wicked smile, as he stared down at me. I realized they both had the same look in their eyes, a look I knew too well that made my hands sweating and trembling. I looked down at my laps, my hair practically hiding my face and I started fidgeting with the rings on my fingers as panic slowly made its way in my throat.

  Why are they here?

  "Cat got your tongue babe?"

  I felt tears coming behind my eyes. I dont want to talk to them. I-I dont want them to be here. I thought of just getting up and running away but I didn't know where, so instead, I swallowed the lump in my throat and answered with a shaky voice.

  "N-no."

  "I'm sorry, what was that?" The one in front of me asked arrogantly as he leaned on his forearms on the table between us, his eyes burning the top of my head.

  "I-I said no."

  I heard his chuckle next to me, making shivers cover my skin, not be
cause I was cold, because I could feel my body heat up and starting to sweat. Is this really happening? No, not everyone wants to hurt me, right? Maybe I was just being paranoid. I lift my head and faced the guy sitting at my left.

  "Wha-what do you want?"

  I tried to make my voice as steady as possible, but they clearly noticed how it was shaking and weak. Like me.

  "Mmh. Thats a good question babe. I was thinking we could have some fun all together. Ain't that right, Woodsy?"

  I frowned. I looked at the guy in front of me, 'Woodsy', then looked back at the one at my left. He had this glint in his dark eyes, a scary one. They scanned me, and I suddenly embarrassed and exposed. I wasn't really sure what was their definition of fun but the uneasy feeling in my stomach made me believe that I hadn't been panicking for nothing. I shifted uncomfortably on my chair as I remembered old terrifying memories.