Shield Page 7

  Yeah, maybe he had a bad morning every time we crossed path.

  I nervously diverted my gaze from his and looked around the parking lot as students cars slowly filled the area. Classes only began in twenty minutes.

  "Why are you so nervous Sadie?" He suddenly asked, his voice sounded strangely softer. Was he...concerned? I couldn't tell and I dont think anyone could ever know how this boy felt.

  I didn't know what to tell him. Why am I nervous? I didn't even know myself. Crowds, students, teachers, work. "Am I making you nervous?" 2

  "Yes..huh, no! I mean no.. I-school is kind of stressful. You know with the people and-and homeworks.."

  "Is someone bothering you in that school Sadie?" He demanded his tone laced with hidden anger. The way his eyes had turn a shade darker scared me but also brought funny sensations in my stomach.

  "N-no." I answered honestly.

  It was true. No one really insulted or made fun of my like they did in elementary school. People minded their own business and I was glad. I'd hear students laugh behind me sometimes making me think they were making fun of me, but I preferred to blame it on my insecure self.

  "Good. If anyone fucking dares to give you a hard time, you tell me." I shivered. I couldn't tell if it was because how familiar this phrase sounded or because of his threatening tone. 1

  "W-why? I-I thought you didn't want anything to do with me." I blurted out weakly.

  "What made you think that?" Why does he have to be so intense when he looks at me?

  "W-well, you said you didn't want me going to the arena anymore and-and.."

  "What part in that makes you think I dont want anything to do with you Sadie?"

  Right.

  I frowned.

  He's right. He did not say he didn't want to see me, but the way he's been talking isn't good for a person like me who overthinks every syllabe. For years I have been so positive that he completely forgot about me. He left me without telling me, why would he want to be around me after that long? We were just children, he could have easily forget our friendship. I couldn't.

  I looked up at him realizing how stupid I had been, only to find him still staring at me, with what seemed like a smile. A smirk perhaps.The corner of his lips barely lift up, I dont think I could consider that as a smile, but he seemed amused by the situation and my confusion.

  Well thats a little bit insulting, I thought.

  "I-I guess I should get going," I said my voice only coming out above a whisper. "Th-thanks for the ride." I smiled at him before opening the door and stepping out.

  "Wait," He leaned and reached for his phone in the cup holder. "Give me your number." My number? He wants my phone number as in 'I might text you or call you'? 3

  I reached for my cellphone in my back pocket, since I didn't remember my own number by heart, and told him as he typed it. 2

  "Thanks again." I smiled at him one last time before closing the door. I didn't know if I was starting to see things, but his features seemed softer when I took one last glance at him.

  I left the black car behind and walked towards the building. As I got closer to the entrance the knot in my stomach came back, but not as strong as before. The thought of Killian, the thought of him driving me here, the thought of his almost there smile, the thought of him having my phone number brought peace in my head for a moment.

  ———

  Throughout the day, I started to believe that this morning events were just a dream. A nice dream. The kind of dream I never had.

  But then halfway through lunch time, I received a text from an unknown number. The notification freaked me out for a mere second until I read the text. It was him.

  I'm picking u up after school. Just tell me when 4

  Its Killian by the way

  I couldn't help the smile that rose up on my face at that moment. He wants to see me again. Except my excitement was soon replaced by a frown. My grandfather is supposed to pick me up. I cant just tell him not to he will ask questions and become suspicious. He knows I dont have any friends, or anyone to give me a ride back home. It has always been him.

  I debated wether refusing Killian's offer and keeping things simple or having a 15 minutes around Killian in his car. The second one was definitely tempting but also nerve wracking. I liked my routine, but my therapist kept telling me that if I wanted to make friends and be 'normal' I had to get out of my comfort zone.

  Of course I never did that. And look where I am now.

  I came to the conclusion during my last pause of the day that I would go with Killian. I don't know why it took me so much time to make a decision. I texted my grandfather telling him I would take the bus after school. No need to mention how horrible I felt as I lied to him.

  And now here I was, waiting apprehensively for the bell in my calculus class. For the first time, my excitement to get out of school wasn't due to my bed waiting for me, but because Killian was waiting for me.

  Time always passed slow in this class. Mostly when I happened to not understand. It was too complicated for no reasons. I wish I could stay focus in this class, but my attention always ended up diverting to different and more interesting stuffs. I paid more attention to the clock than the teacher herself.

  When the aggressing bell finally rang, I was quick to put my books in my bag and make my way to the door. I was a bubble of nervousness and excitement.

  That was until the teacher called my name.

  I thought I misheard at first, because none of my teachers had talk to me since the beginning of the school year. Then she called my name a second time. This can't be good.

  "Sadie, would you come here please."

  I unwillingly turned around and walked at the front of the class, where her desk was, as the other students almost ran out off the room.

  "Y-yes?" I asked weakly as I played nervously with the rings on my fingers.

  "Sadie, you're an amazing student," she started as she took her glasses off, "as you may know you're last week's test result isn't really good. I know you make efforts, but you need to find a way to do more. You need to be consistent; one class you pay attention and the other its like you're not even there." She spoke genuinely as I absorbed the informations. My eyes escaped hers every time she would make an eye contact with me. "You have to find a way to get your grades higher, and I know you can." 3

  "Okay." I didn't know what else to say. Honestly, I almost just wanted to cry. People who believed I was capable of something triggered me emotionally. They were rare. 2

  "I just wanted to warn you. The year has just started, I just want you to start it off well considering your grades last year. I dont think you want to repeat that."

  "No o-of course not."

  She looked at me silently for a moment before nodding, "Okay then, remember that when you have questions, ask them."

  I nodded as I held back the tears and smiled at her instead. Why do I always have the need to cry? She dismissed me with a warm smile and I quickly walked out of the class with trembling legs.

  The hallways were empty with only a few students remaining. I didn't need to get books from my locker, so I headed straight for the exit. I wrapped my arms around myself as I felt the fresh air of October hit me. It surprisingly didn't took me a lot of time to find Killian's black sleeked car. Mostly because his tall and intimidating figure was standing by it.

  My heart almost skipped a beat at the sigh.

  He was wearing the same pair of joggings he had been wearing this morning and his black shirt fitted on his build body perfectly. His hair was a beautiful mess as usual, some strands fell on his forehead. It wasn't fair to be as pretty as he was. And he was here for me.

  His eyes locked on mine before I even knew it. I lowered my gaze, preferring to stare at my feet as they took me to his car.

  "Hi." I stood in front of him, my arms holding my cardigan tight around me.

  He seemed to detail my face before he nodded, stepped aside and opened the passenger door for me. I st
epped in the car and placed my bag on my lap just like I did this morning.

  "Took you longer to get out than the other students." He remarked almost suspiciously as he sat down.

  "Oh, huh.. my math teacher wanted to see me after the-the class." Why can't I talk without stuttering?

  He frowned at me before turning on the engine. "Why is that?" He asked almost sounding interested.

  "I-I'm kind of struggling with math," I admitted. "Well with school in general but math is the worst I guess."

  I almost regretted admitting this. He seemed thoughtful for a moment. What if he starts thinking that I'm actually stupid? Defective and stupid. Isn't it the reason why he initially left me? I used to be an idiot as a kid, mother would always tell me. I guess I didn't really change. 2

  I expected him to ignore me for the rest of the ride, to just drop me at my house and never talk to me again. But then his deep voice spoke again.

  "I think we could fix that."

  One thing I would have never thought of when I woke up this morning, is to end up in Killian's place after school. Walking in this apartment felt surreal, mostly because Killian was right in front of me showing me around.

  I wasn't really sure of what he meant by 'we could fix that', but I guessed he was talking about my difficulties with math.

  I didn't know what to expect from this. I didnt know if I would even be able to concentrate with him in the same room as me. I held the strap of my school bag tightly as I carefully followed him out of the entrance.

  "Woah.. this is all yours?" I asked curiously as we entered the kitchen. I could see the living room from the counter since no wall separated the two areas making the apartment appear bigger. The kitchen was a modern type with grey cabinets and white counters.

  He shook his head, dropping his keys on the counter, "no. I live with two guys from the team. One of them has a rich father which explains the fucking luxury." He said, rolling his eyes.

  "Oh," I could only manage to say, "I think its really pretty." I complimented as I followed Killian to the dinning table.

  I could detail the living room better from here. There was a black L shaped couch decorated with yellow and grey cushions and a plasma television facing it. I guessed there wasn't a lot of decorations since the people living here were practically grown men, but the place was beautiful. The place looked like it came out of an Ikea magazine, without all the little decorations.

  There was also four doors all around the large area, that Killian didn't bother to show me, but I'm guessing they were bedrooms and a bathroom.

  "Lets do it here." He proposed as he pulled out a chair at the dinning table for me. I thanked him with a smile and placed my bag on the ground. 2

  "A-are you sure I'm not bothering you?" i asked fidgeting with my cardigan's sleeves.

  "I want to." He said firmly cutting off my rambling as he sat down next to me.

  "But-"

  "Sadie." He practically growled. "I want to help you." I couldnt help but notice how his tone was slowly getting softer ever since this morning. His gaze was piercing through mine making me break the short eye contact I made.

  "Sorry." I mumbled lowering my eyes on the wooden table. I heard him sigh next to me, for the fourth time probably today.

  "Get your stuff out and tell me what you dont understand."

  ————-

  "I-I dont get it." I mumbled ashamed as I felt again the tears that have been threatening to come out in the last hour. I was staring at the paper hoping I would magically understand. Why am I so stupid?

  Killian has been trying to help me with calculus homework, but my brain somehow couldn't understand a word he said. He's been explaining me every formulas, how to use them when to use them and yet, we were only at the second number. He wasn't the problem, his explanations were clear and precise, probably better than any teacher's, but I was an helpless case.

  Well maybe not totally helpless, maybe I've been stuck on this same problem because I didn't dare to try something as Killian's calculating eyes watched me. I was scared he'd also start thinking I was stupid.

  "What is it you dont understand?" I think he said that at least ten times in the last hour but his voice remained as calm as the first time. Which didn't look like Killian at all. I anticipated the moment he would just loose his patience and snap. 1

  "I-I dont know.. everything." I dared to admit, my voice cracking as the words came out.

  He was close, his knee almost touching my thigh and I think it was one of the reasons I could hardly concentrate. His eyes were observing all of my movement with attention, I almost forgot how to write multiple times and it was sending me on the edge. His presence only was sending me on the edge.

  "Thats not true. You know what to do, you're just not trusting yourself." He simply replied with a stern voice. "C'mon try something." 4

  I sighed and nodded before leaning over the paper and began solving the problem with the technic I thought was right. His calculating eyes watching me intently made heat run in my cheeks and my heartbeat increase as I wrote down my calculs. Didn't he had some college assignments to do? 1

  Despite how nervous I felt under his gaze, I managed to end up with an answer after what felt like forever. I smiled in satisfaction as I dropped my pencil.

  "See, that wasn't so bad." The corner of his lip rose up in his almost there smile. Hope I'll get a real smile one day. He took the homework as he verified my answer just like he did with the first number. My thoughts were racing as I finally decided to look up at him. Dark brown strands of hair fell in front of his eyes as usual and all I wanted to do was run my fingers though them. His jaw was sharp covered in a barely there subtle and his dark brows were frowning in concentration as he looked down at the problem.

  Then I remembered he didnt like when people stare.

  I need a break, I thought as I nervously waited next to him.

  "W-wheres the bathroom?" I asked breaking the silence.

  "Last door behind the couch." His gruff voice answered as he kept his eyes on the paper. He didn't even glance at me.

  I quietly thanked him and carefully walked to the second door on the living room wall. I let out a breath when I closed the door behind me, relieved that I finally escaped Killian's intense gaze and intimidating presence.

  I didn't really came here to pee, only because I was suffocating being this close to him. I stared at myself in the mirror on top of the sink, taking the time to replace my top and fix my hair. I also washed my hands since they have been sweaty ever since I've entered Killian's car.

  This was the longest interaction I've had with a person in years, besides my grandpa and my therapist. I didn't understand why Killian was helping me, let alone letting me in his apartment. I couldn't tell if he was glad to be around me again or if he didn't care and it wasn't a big deal to him. I couldn't tell any of his feeling besides when he was angry. He had this blank face every time I saw him even when I encountered him and his friend at the mall.

  I remember as a kid, he was never much of a talker but he'd always listen to my ramblings or laugh with me. He also rarely, but sometimes, made jokes about the kids that bothered me. After he'd scare them away of course.

  And now, either he was frustrated or didn't seem to feel anything. I guess that was partly why he intimidated me so much.

  I sighed one last time before getting a grip of myself and opening the door to face Killian again. I could see him as soon as I was outside the bathroom, he was standing in the kitchen his back facing me as he was leaning on his hands on the kitchen counter.

  My eyebrows furrowed together at how tense he seemed as I carefully closed the door behind me. The sound made him abruptly turn around to face me with an expression I didn't want to see. He was mad.

  His eyes were hard, his shoulders tense and his strong hands curled into tight fists. I stood behind the couch not daring to make another movement as I didn't know if the anger was directed towards me. I thought of all the wrong thi
ngs I could have done to cause this reaction but nothing came in my head. It-its like my mind couldn't function. I was terrified.

  He snatched something from the counter behind him and took long strides towards me. I couldn't tell what exactly he had in hand but it seemed like a transparent little bottle.

  "W-whats-"

  "What the fuck is this?" He boomed stopping inches away from me making me flinch. His hand held the object in the air, showing perfectly the now familiar prescription bottle. 5

  Oh no.

  How did he get that?

  "I, huh-I..." the words couldn't come out properly as they were stuck with the knot forming in my throat.