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  I slightly nodded still not convinced. I must have done something wrong, if he was irritated to see me when he came across me in the living room earlier.

  "You didn't even acknowledged me earlier when I walked in," I pursued weakly, "I must have done something wrong, j-just tell me." I pleaded, turning my body towards his. 1

  He diverted his gaze from me and sighed again, before running a heavy hand through his messy hair and readjusting himself on the bed. He was quiet for a short moment, as if he was thinking about his next words.

  I somehow felt like those would be painful.

  "I just...fuck." He started with hesitation, "I don't like, actually, I fucking hate when Josh is around you, all happy and shit like a fucking child." He admitted bitterly. 1

  "But-but Josh is being nice. He isn't trying to hurt me." I replied, hoping I was right.

  I frowned. Is he actually? Or is Josh just faking the genuine attitude for reasons I'm not aware of?

  "I know, thats the fucking problem." Killian grumbled.

  What?

  My frown deepened, "but...why?" 2

  His hypnotizing eyes stared through mine with such intensity, I was glad I wasn't up on my feet other wise my legs would have crumbled under me. He switched his body into a position where he could face me properly and before I knew it, his large hand reached up to my face where he rested his palm on my cheek, forcing me to keep my gaze on him. The action sent tingles on the patch if the skin and made my lips involuntarily part in awe. I just wanted to lean in the warmth of his hand.

  "Because," he started in a hoarse murmur, his hand lowering to my jaw and eventually wrapped around the back of my neck. His rough thumb ran delicately across the skin of my throat sending an electric choc through my body at the intimate contact, making me forget how I was anticipating his next words. 2

  I couldn't think straight, and I was even more glad I was sitting at this moment.

  "Jesus fucking christ." I heard him lowly curse after letting out a painful breath. "I don't want any of those assholes around you, Sadie. I want you for myself."

  Words were stuck in my throat, but in a good way and, for the first time, not from anxiety.

  My cheeks were flushed and all I wanted to do was to stop the burning sensation on my face.

  I want you for myself, I replayed the words in my head.

  I wasn't necessarily sure what he meant by that and I didn't bother questioning it at the moment, but boy did he made my body on fire. I felt like I mattered for a second, like I was wanted, something I havent felt in a while. In years actually. My mother didn't even want me or looked at me. My father is somewhere, perhaps dead and I had no idea. And in moments where I only see darkness, I come to think that grandpa is only here and gives himself this hard time by pure pity. I see it in his eyes sometimes, he is tired, exhausted, and I'm the cause of it.

  So I kept my head low, away from his burning stare. Either it was because of how intimate the words sounded coming out of his mouth, or because it felt wrong, so wrong, that someone admitted they wanted to be with me.

  Though, I soon felt my body being dragged with Killian's as he laid himself on the bed. He brought my head to his neck with his hand wrapped tightly in my hair, as if he knew I couldn't find a way to answer and it was his way of telling me I didn't need to. I tensed up at first because affectionate contacts were rare but soon, I instinctively wrapped my arm around his torso and clutched my hand tightly on the side of his shirt 1

  I inhaled deeply his addictive manly scent and couldn't help letting my eyes flutter close. I was suddenly feeling sleepy, mostly because of all the emotions and how confuse he made me in the past few days. Between, the barely there smiles he seemed to only give to me, to his sudden outbursts, I felt mentally exhausted from all this stress.

  But this, was what I have been wanting for so long. A place of comfort and safety.

  "God, I missed you so much Sadie." I heard his faint voice say in a deep murmur. My mind was clouded by the sleepiness, I wasn't sure if it was my imagination making up his words.

  Nonetheless, I could only sigh in content before I drifted off in a sleep whom, for one of the first rare times in years, didn't require medicine.

  ————

  "Sadie," I heard a familiar voice call, but I was too comfortable to even acknowledge it. I just wanted to stay in this deep and peaceful sleep forever. The warmth and safety wrapped around me was one I couldn't recall feeling before while being asleep and I didn't want it to go away.

  "Sadie wake up."

  This time, I felt fingers running through my hair, which didn't help me as I tried to open my tired eyes.

  "Mmph. I dont wanna' go to school." I grumbled, pressed my face deeper in my pillow that happened to be more le comfy than usual. And that appeared to smell extremely good.

  I heard a deep chuckle on top of my head, and the rumble of it right next to my ear made me frown.

  "Its 9pm, Sadie. We're sill Thursday night."

  I then instantly recognize Killian's mocking voice and my eyes shot open. My head snapped up quickly to meet his amused dark orbs.

  Oh my.

  The grin plastered on his face made mine instantly heat up, and my blush got even worst when I realized the position my unconscious self put me in. I was laying on top of Killian. Like, literally laying on his body. My head had been resting on what I thought was my pillow, was actually his hard chest and the rest of my body was molding on his much bigger one. I almost felt like a child next to him, but I didn't dare to move away. Mostly because his arm was like iron around my back.

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  His fingers delicately removed the strands of the hair messily falling over my face.

  "You've slept for 4 hours straight, how are you feeling?" He asked lowly as I gaped like a fish at his unusual gentle action.

  "Horrible." I groaned grumpily.

  He grinned again but it was quickly, too soon, replaced by a frown, "did you sleep last night?"

  I was thrown off by his question and the concern-like expression on his face. "Y-yes."

  "What about the nights before?" He insisted his eyes looking for mine.

  "Y-yes."

  He raised a dark eyebrow at my uncertain answer, clearly not convinced. I wasn't even believing myself either to be honest.

  "Well, it depends if I have nightmares or not." I shrugged off, as if it wasn't a big deal. Because it actually was and they'd keep me awake until morning most of the time, but I didn't want to admit it to Killian for some reasons.

  "What kind of nightmares?"

  I shrugged again, "random ones," I lied again, diverting my gaze from his intense one, "scary nightmares that dont make sense, you know." I blurted out with a shaking voice.

  "No, I dont. Tell me about them." He blankly asked, as his eyes were burning the side of my face.

  No, no, no.

  He was asking too much questions and just like the other times, it made anxiety wrap around my throat
tightly. I didnt want him to know about those nightmares, they were replicas of my disturbing hidden past. I didn't want to talk or even think about those as they just reminded of how I could never be normal. I didn't want him to know I wasn't normal, or that I was defective.

  And now, as I was overthinking every thing, I realized he would somehow eventually find out the real me. The broken me. The one who has constant sleepless nights, the one who is still terrified of the dark, the one who's mind is full of darkness.

  "Well, I never really remember them when I wake up anyway." I justified again, but this time, I almost believed myself.

  I lifted up my eyes and met his observing dark ones as they detailed my face, probably looking for a sign of lie. Thankfully, after a few moments of silence from him, I felt his hand wrap themselves in my hair, before forcing my head on his chest again. I felt him take a deep, almost tired, breath under me, as I was surprised by his sudden action. I buried my face deeper in his soft shirt, finding comfort again nonetheless.

  He already asked about the prescription bottle in my bag, and he will keep questioning all of my strange behaviours. And that reminded me, ever since that day, I couldn't find that very sane bottle of medication. As much as I didn't enjoy them, there were some nights where they were much needed and thankfully I had a second one on my night table.