Shield Read online

  Was he really annoyed at me?

  This small interaction confused me a lot, and I guess overthinking right now was not a good idea. I decided to shrug off those thoughts away, when I noticed Killian hold out his hand towards me. I looked at it, looked at him and then glanced back at his strong hand in front of my face.

  "Are you okay to stand up?" His rough, husky voice asked, noticing the confusion all over my face.

  I blinked twice before nodding and grabbing his much bigger hand with mine. I barely had to move and inch or use strength, he pulled my up easily from the cold ground.

  Boy, he was strong.

  And tall.

  My head barely reached his shoulders.

  Before I could get used to the warmth of his hand, another voice echoed in the corridor and he slipped it off mine.

  "Sadie!" The familiar voice sounded pretty close to the storage room..

  Oh right. My grand father. He's the one who asked me to come here in first place. He yelled my name, but I knew he was not upset at me. Well I hope not. I really can't do anything without somehow messing it up.

  "What's taking you so-"

  My grand dad's big figure stood at the door, his expression switching from concern to annoyance. And I think the man standing next to me was the reason. He did not tell me with words that he despised Killian, but telling me to stay away from him was enough to know that he didn't necessarily appreciated him.

  "Killian" he greeted in a monotonous tone.

  "Mmh. Can I help you?" Killian answered with the same tone.

  My grand father just ignore his sort of arrogance and turned his gaze to me. I knew he wasn't too happy to find me in a room with the guy he warned me about. I was sure he would let me have time to explain though.

  Not that I wanted to talk about my panic attacks and phobias with him.

  "C'mon Sadie, I still have a few skates left to sharpen and then we can go home." He gestured me to come over to him.

  As he bent down to grab what he asked me to get for him, the red tools box, Killian said something I would have never expect to come out of his mouth.

  "I can give her a ride home."

  Me?

  In a car with him? I dont think my emotionally unstable self could handle it. The thought of spending time in a restricted space like that with him made a bubble of happiness and anxiety grow in my stomach.

  Was he really asking to give me a ride home?

  It surely didn't seem to be a big deal for him. His voice was just as cool and almost emotionless like before. Me on the other hand, I could barely contain the smile from creeping on my lips.

  "I don't think so. You are not giving her a ride home young man."

  I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or relieved that my grand father stubbornly refused. I was surely not surprised though.

  I did feel better about the fact that I wouldn't need to suffer in the awkward silence there would have been in the car.

  I hate silence. Its usually awkward. And awkward situations make me anxious and self-conscious.

  But did him wanting to give me a ride home meant he appreciated me? Didn't I annoyed him?

  "Let's go honey." Grand pa said, motioning me to come with him as he passed the door.

  I glanced at him, then at Killian and noticed his features were hard. He seemed angry at something or someone. Hopefully not me. Maybe he didn't like people telling him no. Whatever it was, I didn't like seeing him upset.

  "Th-thank you." I somehow found the courage to tell him. Even if my voice was barely audible.

  He looked down at me and just curtly nodded.

  Okay.

  I gave him one last look before walking towards my grand father with trembling legs. Wether it was because I was still shaken up or because I could feel his stare burning the back of my head.

  Thursday and Friday passed by very slowly. I was always tired due to my six hours of sleep per night, but panic attacks exhausted me. So when I arrived home Wednesday night, I immediately passed out in the comfort of my bed like I rarely do. Unfortunately, I woke up at 4 am sweating, my heart racing in my chest.

  Just a nightmare, I had thought. Same old nightmare.

  I spent the night crying after that. I am a sensitive person, but I've always been more vulnerable after a bad dream. At first I cried because I was scared. Then because of how disturbing my past was. A bunch of thoughts and scenarios ran through my mind, making me sob harder in my pillow. I wished that I could just suddenly forget those events, rip my past from my brain, that the paranoia would leave me alone for good.

  In the morning, my grand father forced me to go to school, not that I excepted him to let me skip anyway. I briefly told him what had happen in the storage room, but that didn't make him pity me nor make him appreciate Killian more. Didn't except him to do that either. 2

  He hasn't been going easy on me in the past year and a half. Ever since school warned us about my grades, he rarely lets me skip classes. Panic attacks or sleepless nights were not an excuse anymore apparently.

  "Therapy isn't for fun, you're supposed to get better." He kept telling me.

  And it did help, I guess. I didn't get panic attacks as much as before. To be honest, Wednesday night was the first one I had in a year. Anxiety and nightmares though were pretty good at being constant. Sometimes, I think that maybe if I hit my head hard enough on the desk at school, I'll fall in a coma and wake up with amnesia. 7

  I thought about doing that more than once during classes Thursday. Sitting on the chair was as impossible as keeping my eyes open when the teacher was talking. I yawned so much, my eyes started watering. But then when my hand went to fidget with the rings on my fingers, an old habit I did when I was nervous, I noticed one was missing. And I freaked out, internally. I tried to stay as calm as possible and hide my panic during the middle of my history class. I dont know how many times I inspected my hands as if I luckily just had misplaced it on them. But no. I always had one on my index, middle and ring finger. All three had belong to my grand mother who passed away before I even had the chance to meet her. Grand pa gave them to me when I turned fifteen.

  The whole day I couldn't stop thinking about the silver ring and kept cursing myself for somehow loosing something so precious. Grand pa trusted me enough for keeping a sentimental and valuable thing on me 24/7 and again, I gave him another reason to think that I was irresponsable.

  I avoided him as much as I could when I came back home. I was too busy turning my room upside down, looking through all my stuffs for the shiny ring. From my bed sheets, to my school bag. I even looked into the shower incase it might have slipped from my finger there. But the jewelry was nowhere to be found.

  I will tell him...eventually, but now I couldn't find a way to tell him properly. Like "hey grand pa, how was your day? Oh! by the way, I just lost the love of your life's favorite diamond ring. Have a good night!" No. I wanted to enjoy the last moments where he still had a little trust in me. And that kept me awake for a couple hours last night. How can I be stupid enough to loose something so valuable, for him and me? I kept thinking how my mother was right when she kept telling me that I was too incompetent. Then, I tried to be positive and find a way to solve the problem but I obviously ended up with nothing. If it had been a ring I bought for myself then I would just have cursed myself for losing something expensive, but nothing can replace an object that has a sentimental value. Not even money.

  I really did try to pay attention in class today. It worked for my two first periods until the only thing that kept me awake was daydreaming and staring at my ringless middle finger. I dreaded the moment I would have to face him, my stomach uneasily twisting every time I imagined the scenario.

  And now, due to my lack of sleep, standing in the entrance of the arena, waiting for my grand father was tiring. My legs just wanted to give up under me, so at some point I leaned myself on the wall but even that position ended up useless. How long have I been waiting? It surely felt like an hour.


  A few people also waited in the entrance around me, probably for their sons or boyfriends. While me on the other hand, I was here for my grand father. I wish I had a normal life.

  My eyes wandered around, dreading to see my grand father's figure appear from the hallway that led to the changing rooms. I fidgeted each time someone walked in front of me, heading to the automatic doors. Most of them being players. Then for the first time my thoughts were directed to something else than the ring I had stupidly lost. The guys in suits leaving the arena and walking in the entrance reminded me of Killian. After all these years, he managed somehow to take the panic away like he would always do. Despite the fact that in his head we were probably total stranger. I was still there secretly hoping he wouldn't. But I knew it was my usual desperate self giving me high hopes.

  As if the universe heard my thoughts, Killian's intimidating figure smoothly walked out of the corridor. As much as I wanted to tear my eyes off of him, I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was gorgeous, as usual. A dress up white shirt hung perfectly on his body, I could see his strong arm muscles flexing every little movement he made, and navy blue suit pants, not too fitted but just enough, were held on his hips with a black belt. Unlike the others, he didn't had his suit jacket on him. Instead he held it in his hands with a sport bag hanging on his shoulder.

  The sigh was enough to make my heart beat faster in my chest and I wouldn't be surprised if I was drooling over the manly beauty he was. Even the way he walked was captivating.

  I expected him to go for a straight line and walk out of the building, but his legs were carrying him in a different direction. Towards me.

  I wanted to believe someone else was standing behind or close to me and that they were the reason he walked in my direction, but then those dark eyes landed on mine. Like, he actually stared right in my eyes so intensely it felt like he was seeing through my soul and it did funny things to my stomach.

  Oh god. Lets not faint right now.

  I was too mesmerized by him and the effect he had on me that when he stopped in front of me and leaned his shoulder against the wall, I noticed how my hands had started to sweat. He didn't talk at first and just looked up and down at me making my eyes finally escape his calculating ones. He was quick to break the silence though.

  "You're still here." He stated, his gruff voice reaching my ears and sending shivers through my whole body.

  What?

  I frowned. Not even a 'hello' or 'how are you'. No. Just a plain statement. A statement I didn't even understood the actual meaning behind it. He didn't want me here?

  "Y-yeah, I'm waiting for my grand father." I stuttered softly.

  "Thats not my point," he objected, "I'm just wandering what the fuck a girl like you is doing in a place like this, when you could be some where else doing stuffs more...more girly." 4

  "Oh.."

  And I knew the exact answer to that, but it definitely wasn't something I would tell him or anyone. Because it would just prove how messed up and scared I really was. And thinking about it, it makes me sound like a child even more.

  He didn't sound annoyed but his statements made me believe that he should have been annoyed. So, I didn't dare to even open my mouth because I knew something stupid would come out of it. So I just stood dumbfounded in front of the intimidating man that used to be my only friend and avoided his dark gaze as much as possible.

  He broke the silence again, "Whatever, I came because I believe this belongs to you." I frowned and noticed his hand reaching for something in his pocket.

  I stared as his fingers came out with a familiar silver ring, and I swear that right at this moment all I wanted to do is jump on him and thank him for the next hour. I also felt like crying of pure joy and relief. But of course I didn't do any of those things. Instead I just kept my same confused face with my mouth opening and closing, gaping like a fish.

  "H-how-"

  "It was on the storage room's floor Wednesday after you left." He said so smoothly and slowly. A contrast with his eyes that were piercing through mine. I felt like every move I made he inspected it and that was stressful.

  Then his gaze dropped to my fingers that were nervously playing with the two rings I had left and next thing I know, his hand is reaching for mine. His own long fingers wrapping around my wrist. The feeling of his warm skin against my cold one sent a wave of heath through my body.

  Okay, I might faint now.

  "Which finger?"

  I blinked once, then twice still stunned at the sudden movement as his brown eyes lifted up to mine again. "The-the middle one." I stuttered, barely above a whisper. 5

  He nodded and carefully slid the shiny little object on my thin and small finger, sending a trail of tingles on it. I was amazed, stunned at how such rough hands that had caused so many bruises on faces could also be gentle. I couldn't help but stare at the man who gently held my wrist. His sharp jaw line that could cut diamonds was clenched as usual. Brown chocolate soft looking strands fell on his forehead, still slightly wet. I wanted to run my hand through the beautiful mess his hair was.

  My trance of admiration was cut short when his fingers unwrapped around my wrist, leaving an odd and cold sensation behind it. Why was I appreciating his touch so much? I shouldn't be welcoming someone's hands so easily.

  But its Killian, a voice in my head reminded me.

  "Th-thank you," I weakly said. I started think that it might become an habit to thank him every time we interact. "Seriously thank you, I-I've been looking every where for it and-and I was freaking out the whole day. I-I'm not a materialist its just..its precious and important for me you know? And-and my grand father would have killed me if he found out that I lost it- "

  I think I saw the corner of his lip lift up in what looked like a smirk. A small one. And something like an amused glint appeared in his eyes. Maybe it was just my mind tricking me. I've rarely seen him smile. Did he found my rambling funny? Well maybe I did sound stupid. "Yeah I get it, it has a sentimental value." He nodded understandingly as the amused glint flashed again in his dark eyes.

  "Yeah! Thats it, a sentimental value!" I chirped, maybe a little too loud, and I immediately cursed myself for raising my voice and getting excited like that. I really am terrible at social interactions.

  But again he just looked amused. He didn't laugh but there was still an almost there smile at the corner of his mouth as he stared down at me.

  Wasn't I annoying him?

  "S-sorry." I mumbled ashamedly, diverting my gaze from his intimidating one. I trailed my eyes around the entrance, anywhere I wouldn't meet his dark ones, but then someone walking out of a corridor caught my attention. My breath hitched in my throat at the sigh of him. The same guy that made me dread coming here for the whole week and made me always stay with crowds since last Friday.

  Killian seemed to notice the sudden change in my face and probably the trembling in my hands because his head snapped right in the direction I was looking. He glared at Dylan as his strong jaw clenched shut. Gone was the amusement in his eyes and gone was the playful smirk. Both replace with annoyance. The guy standing a few feet away from us obviously felt people staring at him since he suddenly looked in our direction and when his eyes landed on mine, I froze. The emotion in them switched into something evil, just like last week. A look that was way too familiar for me and a look that brang me nightmares at night.

  Before I could even feel the panic rushing in my veins, big warm fingers grabbed my wrist again and roughly dragged me to the automatic doors. I didn't even have time to process what was happening, we were already walking outside. Killian was mad. I could feel the anger radiating from his body. His shoulder were tense, the muscles of his back popping through the fabric of his dress up shirt. And I should have kept my mouth shut but he was taking me in the parking and I was so confused and scared, the words slipped.

  "Killian where are we going?" I asked not bothering to hide the alarm in my voice or hide the fact that I just calle
d him by his name. He wont notice right?

  "I'm taking you out of here." He firmly said, the grip on my wrist tightening as he walked through the cars with determinacy. I could hardly keep up with his fast pace.

  "But my grand father-"

  "I dont fucking care!" He snapped, stopping abruptly to turn around. He looked down at me with furious eyes making me instantly flinch under his stare. Tears were already threatening to come out of my eyes but he didn't stop there. "I'm taking you home wether you like it or not. Wether your excuse of a grand father likes or not." 5

  For a third time tonight, he left me speechless. I stared in shock at him, my eyes wide open.

  "I dont even know why he lets you wander alone in a place like that when its late. Hell, I dont know why the fuck you still come here." He growled. 3